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Foreign Creatures

An Ugly Waiting Mom

adoption, thoughtsJessicaComment

This post was written 2 months before being matched. It’s been in my drafts but I still think it’s very important to share. There’s the good and the bad and here you will see my downfalls.

It's been almost 28 months since we’ve been a waiting family. Though we have a strong desire to adopt, we have moments of wanting to stop the process and to try having biological children. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been pregnant for 28 months. Just waiting for the baby to come.

We've struggled a lot in this adoption process and a lot of the feelings I've had are sinful. And I want to share my struggles here while I live thru it rather than after I lived thru it. Get ready for the real raw mean Jess. I'm not saying I constantly hold this bitterness and cruel attitude but I do have bad days.

I want to note that these are MY feelings as a waiting mom. I know there are other waiting parents who have their own struggles and some other couples who wrestle with their own struggles of infertility and the like. I want to be real about an aspect of the adoption process and the challenges that goes with adopting EVEN BEFORE actually adopting.

I won't like Instagram photos of my pregnant friends or photos of their baby
I see it and sometimes I will like it and sometimes I will keep on scrolling. It’s difficult for me to be happy.

I won't go to your baby shower
Sometimes I go and sometimes I don't. I don't feel bad if I already have plans on the baby shower date. That would actually be a relief and would be easier for me to decline the invite and to not even allow myself to be jealous.

Mother's Day/Father's Day
These days are a reminder that I'm not yet a mom and Aaron is not yet a dad. This day was hard for me our first year of waiting. This year’s Mother's Day was better but I know I intentionally didn't wish mothers at our church Happy Mother's Day.

Don’t tell me “enjoy your life without kids now because soon you won’t have the time” or “you’ll understand when you’re a parent”
My friend who is also dealing with waiting to be a parent shared this with me and I can totally relate! I actually don’t want to have more time to sleep! I want those sleepless nights you guys talk about and I want my days to be centered on only the kids.

Looking at other waiting families
Our agency has a waiting family portal. When I’m really struggling with adoption, I would go to that website and see which families are “new” to our agency or who are still there. We’re all on the list and we all have a rank by how long we’ve been with the agency. Sometimes I see why a family isn’t up there or I see a family that was there when we started the adoption process and they’re on their 2nd adoption already! This is such a dangerous thing to do. Why do I do it?! Sometimes I need some confirmation from other families who are adopting. Sometimes I do it in hopes of seeing less people on the website, which may increase our chances of adopting.

I guess I should end this post on a happy note. This whole adoption process has given me a new perspective on parents who are waiting to adopt or can’t have a child that easily. I feel more sensitive to those who are also waiting. And when I do have a kid, I want to avoid these pitfalls and be sensitives to couples without kids or even singles who are not married but want to.