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Foreign Creatures

Snociety's Goodbye Party and the Unexpected Call

restaurant, adoptionJessicaComment
Video by Terrence.

It's been 1.5 months since we closed Snociety and MAN OH MAN has it been a great 1.5 months. We had our Snociety Goodbye party on March 31st and it was great to see so many of our family and friends who came out to support us and to celebrate this part of our journey. Aaron and I discussed how it felt like our wedding. I love parties and I really enjoyed the day with everyone.

But there's a story that I want to share that happened at the end of that party.

At 6pm that night (after the party was over), I got a text from our adoption agency asking us if she can call us within the hour to discuss a potential baby who's ready to be adopted. My initial thought was "are you serious? We literally just ended Snociety and we MIGHT have a baby". I was in shock and in awe in God's timing for even the possibility of adopting that night.

Our social worker called us to tell us about the situation of the baby. He was a newborn and was ready to be discharged from the hospital on Sunday (the next day). There were 2 circumstances we needed to be aware of regarding this baby. After the call we told her we'd pray about it and let her know in the morning if we are open in adopting this baby. The birthparents chose 3 families out of all the family portfolios that were shown to them so now it was up to the social worker to let those families know about the case to see if they were open to adopting this baby.

The next morning we called back our agency and said yes we are open to adopting the baby. We were told that we'd receive another call that night if the baby will be coming home with us that night or if they decided to choose another family. Our lives has already changed in anticipation for this baby boy. Last April we almost adopted a 4 year old but the guardians decided not to choose adoption in the end. We knew that we had to guard our hearts since there were 2 other families that the birthparents could end up choosing. We also had to prepare ourselves in the case that the birthparents did choose us as the adopted family. We packed our car with a carseat on Sunday and decided on a middle name for the baby. We have the first name chosen but still needed a middle name for our first child.

We were at church on Sunday and ended up skipping the worship service because we were so nervous and anxious. We went to McDonald's for lunch then went to Aaron's parents house to chill there while we waited for the call from our agency. I didn't want to talk to anyone that day. I was just so nervous and played so many different scenarios in my head. I took a nap that afternoon and felt my eyes fluttering as I slept. That night we also celebrated my brother and my birthday with my family. They knew our situation and was hoping we'd be chosen as well. We got the call in the middle of our dinner at 7pm and was told that the birthparents chose another family.

I was okay. A part of me didn't want to get chosen because I knew I had a Chicago and Florida trip planned in the month of April. I also wanted a 2 month sabbatical to take care of our home, myself, and to focus on our marriage. So a part of me felt relieved that I would still get to vacation and take on my personal projects. The other part of me was wondering how amazing it would be to become a parent that night (it wouldn't be finalized and there are other things attached to taking a baby home but basically we'd be parenting). I knew it could be many more months or years until we adopt a child. We just really don't know.

It wasn't until 6 days later I felt the weight of it and cried at home while cleaning. I was so sad. I wanted that baby to be ours and wish they'd chosen us. I tried to distract myself by keeping busy and watching tv. But even thru it all I cried the whole time. I couldn't even go to Aaron to tell him of my struggles. It was only until he came downstairs when he saw me crying that I told him how sad I was. Even though I knew this baby wasn't in God's plan for us, there's still a loss and sadness that comes with the possibility of adopting. That was the last day I cried about this case.

We know what we're getting ourselves into in this adoption journey. It's not easy and there are so many unknowns. And if you know me, I don't work well with unknowns. I need a plan and I need to see what our future looks like in a year or in five. We're going to continue to trust in God's plan. This really showed us how God's timing is perfect and that only He knows what's best for us. I think God is preparing our hearts to be ready for our baby and I want to be as ready as I can be. Aaron and I can't help to think why God would lead us through the adoption journey, owning Snociety, being part-time at my job, and just being where we are at this moment.