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Foreign Creatures

We got matched!

adoption, thoughtsJessica2 Comments
 Us right before meeting the birthmom

Us right before meeting the birthmom

Our adoption timeline

God is faithful and takes care of us. And the best way I can tell our story is with a timeline.

January 2009 - Aaron and I started dating

January 2013 - Aaron and I get engaged

July 2013 - Aaron and I get married

November 2015 - Aaron and I attend our first adoption informational mtg.

January 2016 - Aaron and I start the adoption process/paperwork

March 2016 - Aaron and I are officially approved to adopt domestically and are a waiting family.

June 2016 - We get a call that there’s a 4 yo boy who needs a family (it didn’t go thru)

March 2018 - We get a call that there’s a newborn who needs a family (it didn’t go thru)

August 24 2018 - We get a call that a birthmom wants to meet us

August 29 2018 - We met with the birthmom and she chose us to parent

October 26 2018 - Expected due date of our baby boy

Even with this timeline, so much more has happened that showed us God’s power and will for us. And I would love to share it with you all! Somehow, someday. There’s so much to share about God’s love for us. And that’s a great thing.

Meeting the birthmom

We were so nervous meeting the birthmom. So many questions run thru my head like should I hug her when I meet her or shake her hand? Will this be THE ONE? Will she like us? Will she pick us? What will she look like? If we get matched, will this be the ONLY time I meet my future kids’ birthmom? How will I remember everything? How will she respond if I ask her why she chose adoption? Will she tell us anything about her history? It’s a floodgate of unanswered questions and so so so many emotional feelings before meeting her. Adoption is such a special journey and I cry thinking about it. It is so hard on so many levels.

We won’t be sharing much about the birthmom to respect her privacy and our family’s privacy. I’m still trying to figure out how to say this when our family and friends ask us about the history of our baby boy. What we will share is that he is a boy, it is a closed adoption, and you will find out about his ethnicity when he is born.

We’re matched, now what?

And now that we are matched I have many other questions! Will she change her mind? How much do I love my baby boy right now? If I pour my whole heart in this, in the end will I be devastated if it doesn’t happen? How invested should I be? Who should I tell? How do I handle the issues of his identity when he grows up? Will he be accepted in our community? How do I protect him? Will I be able to bond with him?

Why we’re not sharing his name and ethnicity

His name is special to us. The Sunday before we met with the birthmom, we decided on a name for our son. We previously came up with 5 names for our 5 future kids but we decided to explore other options. On that Sunday we came up with a name. We came up with a middle name the 2nd potential adoption plan call we received from our agency. A couple days after we came up with the first name, I called our agency to ask where we will be meeting the pregnancy counselor and the birthmom. She gave me an address, I looked it up, and the name of the place is the same name we chose for our son on that Sunday. And after we got matched, we decided to keep that name.

Why are we not telling people his name? 1. it’s nice to have some secrets kept between us and 2. I’m still guarding my heart for this adoption. I feel like sharing the name makes it more real that this is OUR SON. But in reality, nothing is confirmed. Only a verbal agreement. Once the baby is born, the birthmom will have to sign a paper that relinquishes her rights. Then that paper will be sent to Sacramento then we will officially be parents. I just don’t feel ready to say his name to people thinking that he is OUR BABY. I know I said it several times in this post but that’s the struggle I’m dealing with. How much investment should I be having? And if this does happen, I wouldn’t want to rob our boy of the love he could’ve gotten from me. I would want him to know that I loved him even if he ends up not being my son. That I tried my best.

What about his ethnicity? The simple answer is that it’s not important that you know. If I tell you his ethnicity, am I just filling your curiousity? Does it matter what ethnicity he is? In our application, we put that we are open to any ethnicity. It would be great if we did have a diverse family. But if God doesn’t will it then we’ll be happy with that too - because it doesn’t matter what our family looks like. But whether he’s asian, black, white, hispanic, indian, or whatever he is…he’s going to be a part of our family. He will first be known as our son. Not our adopted son. Not labeled by his ethnicity of being a white (or whatever ethnicity) son in a Chinese family.

I’m also saying it’s not not important though. His culture and identity is a part of him and it’s not something I want to take away from him. I want to expose him to his roots. I want to learn about his history and I want him to embrace his history and roots.

Our journey

These are the most common questions we’ve been getting and my general feelings. This journey isn’t over yet. And when we bring our baby home, the journey continues. When we share our story to our family and friends, I don’t want to forget the 2.5 years of journey we went thru. Yes, the end is happy but the journey to get here was so telling.

In the end, all these questions I have will not matter. All these fears that has built up will be none if I trust God and lean on Him. I know that God will take care of my family whether or not this happens. But I share all this with you to share of God’s provision for our family.