Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Foreign Creatures

The beginning of our adoption process

familyJessica1 Comment

Here's a post I wrote in January 2016

 --

IMG_7608.JPG

Aaron and I attended an 8 hour orientation with Bethany Christian Services tonight and there are so many things racing through our minds. With the advice of some adoptee parents, I decided to journal our process - for us, for our future kids, and for you. I am writing this in January and I don't know when or if this will ever get published on my blog. There are things I want to share...the excitement and joy about adopting, concern about the birthparents and waiting period, how faith and prayer plays a huge role in this, what others may think, and why we want to adopt. I'm unsure where to start talking about these things so I'll start off with when we started thinking about adopting.

Plans for children
Adoption was on our mind before we got engaged. I think a lot of couples start off this way. Aaron was more into adoption than I was. I just wanted kids so I just considered adoption as a possibility. We both agreed to have kids first and then adopt because we wanted to adopt an available child and because it's a picture of how God adopted us to be His children. We got married in 2013 and lived our lives just us 2 for 2 years. We talked about having kids after 2 years of marriage. But right before our 2 year anniversary (in May 2015) we bought a home and decided to wait to have kids until our home was organized and livable so we don't have to worry about moving things around while I'm pregnant. Our goal was then to get pregnant starting January 2016, which meant that we had to finish organizing and decorating our home in 7 months. We didn't doubt that we would have trouble getting pregnant. We never took a fertility test but just assumed that it'll be easy to get pregnant. Wishful thinking we know. So we had our plan set. Get pregnant beginning of 2016 and have a kid by the end of the year.

How adoption came to our mind sooner than later
Last September I videoed a coworker (and his family) who adopted a kid from Korea. One of my company's purpose is to serve and care for others so our CEO wanted the adoptive parents to share their adoption process and wanted me to film their story to be shared with the rest of the company. I'm a graphic designer at work but I also do some video stuff - so that's why I'm the one who would be filming. I finished the video, learned more about adoption, shared it with Aaron and discussed and confirmed again with Aaron that we want to adopt in the future.

One month later I was thinking about the adoption video at work (not sure why). Maybe I was viewing the videos I've done in 2015. And I thought to myself "why not just adopt now? What are we waiting for?" That day Aaron picked me up from work and I told him what I thought. To my surprise he said "Okay, let's do it"...I didn't think he would be up for it so soon. For us it seemed so simple to just do it now. We didn't have a great reason to have biological kids first...we just wanted kids. It just seemed right to do it and we didn't have to discuss it further.

Finding an agency
The day after, I started to look at adoption agencies and asked my coworker for a bit more info. Aaron and I needed more information before doing anything so we signed up for a couple of meetings. At this point we knew we wanted to adopt an infant and have a closed adoption. Then we attended the International Adoption meeting at Bethany in November. We learned so much at this meeting: why Bethany encourages an open adoption, restrictions on adopting internationally, and what is required to adopt internationally. We were also convinced to have an open adoption instead of a closed adoption, which I will explain in a later post. So we came out of this meeting so confident and excited to start the process and so sure that adopting through Bethany was the right choice - especially because the gospel is part of their mission. They put so much love and care to the pregnant mothers. They give resources to the women and see if they are fit to raise a child; they don't push them towards adoption but instead give them that option. Aaron and I were convicted after this meeting and felt so strongly about adoption and why God put this in our hearts.

Is it a good time to adopt?
Though we felt so much more passionate about adoption after our first informational meeting, we wanted a kid fast. We didn't want to wait another year or 2 to have our adopted kid in our home. We wondered if we could get pregnant and adopt at the same time. I asked the agency and they said if we do get pregnant then our adoption application will have to be put on hold and we wouldn't be able to adopt until our kid is 1 year old (the rule now is if the kid is 6 months old). Aaron and I were struggling with this fact. We knew adopting would push our family plan further and that was hard for us. We prayed for God's wisdom on what we should do. Then we decided to have our first kid and then to adopt our second. But then I felt a tug in my heart that I wanted our first kid to be adopted. I wanted our kid to know that we chose to adopt him or her first. I told Aaron this and he was on board. We felt that God's plan for us was to adopt first.

Are we doing it or not?
Fast forward to today - the day we attended the domestic infant orientation with Bethany. It was an 8 hour orientation and oh my goodness we learned so much. We heard stories from a couple adopted parents and a birthmom, went thru the paperwork process of adopting, what would happen during the waiting period, and what happens during placement and post placement. I cried like 7x since the meeting. A whirlwind of thoughts.

During this meeting I struggled again with the fact that the average wait time to adopt a baby is 2 years. And this is average. The most may be 4 years. I got emotional and couldn't accept the fact that we would have to wait another 2 years to have a child. I cried and told Aaron that I'm not sure if adopting is what I want to do first even though earlier I said that I wanted our adopted kid to know that we chose him/her first. Very contrary but that's just how I felt. Aaron remained the same - he was willing to wait 2 years. After listening to the rest of the orientation, I changed my mind again. Geez right? On our way home I told Aaron how I came to the conclusion that adopting first is what I want to do. These are my reasons:

  • God is tugging on my heart to adopt a kid just as God adopted us to his family. I guess so much that we got to do it now
  • The adoption process will surely test Aaron and I in our marriage and us as individuals - and I want to feel it and be invested in it
  • God may be wanting us to use the waiting period to run full force to serve the church. We're involved in different ministries at church and I'm not sure if we're ready to step down in some of those ministries to focus on our family

If I were to sum up this post it would be this: Should we adopt or not? I first said yes, then no, then yes, then no, then yes let's do it. We are very excited yet scared to start this journey and I thank you for reading along :)